Parenting Tips
Does Your Child Argue?
From The Parents Guide: Solutions to Today's Most Common Behavior Problems
in the Home by Stephen B. McCarney, Ed.D and Angela M. Bauer, M.Ed
comes these tips on helping your child with arguing:
- Establish rules for following directions (e.g., listen, do not argue, ask
questions if you don't understand, follow the directions, etc.) These rules should
be consistent and followed by everyone in the home. Talk about the rules often
and reward your child for following the rules.
- Do not argue with your child.
- Do not argue with others. If you do so, your child will learn to argue.
- Treat your child with respect. Talk in an objective manner at all times.
- Avoid confrontations with your child which may lead to arguing by giving options
(e.g., say "You can either set the table or wash the dishes tonight. Which
do you want to do?)
- Develop a routine schedule of activities and chores for your child in order
that he/she knows what to expect at all times.
- Avoid arguing with your child by discussing in advance the reasons he/she
must be home at a certain time, why he/she cannot go out on a school night, etc.
- Have your child keep track of the number of times he/she does not argue when
given a direction by placing a sticker, star, etc. on a sheet of paper.
- Make certain your child understands his/her responsibilities and when to take
care of them.
- Carefully consider your child's age and experience before asking your child
to do something that is too difficult and may result in arguing.
- Along with a directive, provide an incentive statement (e.g., "When you
finish the dishes you may watch TV" "You may play outside after you
finish your homework.", etc.)
- When your child argues in public, remove him/her from the situation until
he/she can demonstrate self-control and refrain from arguing.
- Do not give your child more than two or three steps to follow in one direction.
Directions that involve several steps can be confusing and cause your child to
argue.
- Deliver directions in a supportive rather than a threatening manner (e.g.,
"Please take out the trash." Rather than "You better takes out
the trash or else!")
- Be consistent. Do not give in to your child's arguing one time and expect
your child not to argue the next time.
- Model appropriate ways to question someone's decision.
- Let your child know that "questioning" should be done in private
and not in public places.
- Tape record your child to let him/her hear talking back, arguing, etc.
- Make certain that your child does not get out of doing things or get his/her
way simply because of being persistent in arguing.
- Make certain your child gets attention from you and others, in the presence
of others, etc. for behaving appropriately and not arguing. Include your child
in conversations, activities, etc. when others are present in order to satisfy
your child's need for attention.
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